I’ve spent a long time wondering whether I should write this article at all: an article about a first dance for two men or two women who are getting married.
Because is a first dance for a same-sex couple really any different from that of any other couple?
Yes and no.
In this article, I share my perspective as a dance teacher. Not because I believe I have all the answers, but because over the past few years I’ve had the privilege of choreographing first dances for many different couples. Along the way, I’ve learned a few things that I’d like to share with you. Whether you identify as gay, lesbian, queer or as part of the LGBTQ+ community, I hope you’ll find something here that’s helpful. And if your experience or perspective is very different from mine, I’d genuinely love to hear it. I’m always interested in learning from other people’s experiences and viewpoints.
Whenever I receive an enquiry about a first dance, there are two things that always form the starting point for me.
The first is always the music.
That might sound a little strange, but I can tell an enormous amount from the song you choose. Does it have a romantic feel? Is it more laid-back, playful, energetic or perhaps a little bold? All of those choices tell me something about the atmosphere you want your first dance to create.
If you’re dreaming of an intimate, romantic first dance, you’re probably not going to choose a heavy rock song. And the opposite is equally true. The dance should suit the music.
So the music tells me a great deal about the direction we’ll take. And in that respect, it makes no difference to me whether you’re a same-sex or opposite-sex couple.
Would you like some help choosing the perfect song for your first dance? In this article, I share a number of tips to help you choose. Once you’ve booked your lessons, you’re always welcome to send me your top three songs. I’ll happily have a listen and let you know which one I think will work best.
Besides the music, I’m always interested in hearing your own ideas.
Some couples simply say, “Surprise us.” And that’s absolutely fine.
Others arrive with a list of things they’d love to include. Perhaps you’ve seen a beautiful lift or dip online. Maybe you’re after something playful rather than too serious. Or perhaps you want a dance that’s incredibly romantic. Some couples want to wow their guests, while others say, “Let’s keep it simple.”
Whatever your preferences may be, they shape the dance we create together.
And again, it makes no difference to me whether you’re a same-sex or opposite-sex couple. It’s your first dance, so we’ll create something that feels right for you.
Would you like to know more about the different options for your first dance and what to expect from the lessons? In this article, I’ll explain the different approaches and how the whole process works.
This brings us to a topic that often comes up with same-sex couples: leading and following.
Traditionally, partner dancing has been based on the idea that the man leads and the woman follows.
Much of my dance background is in the swing dance world, where we take a much more flexible approach to these roles. In fact, in many classes everyone learns both leading and following, and it’s perfectly normal for dancers to switch roles throughout a dance.
I take a similar approach when creating a first dance.
To me, a first dance isn’t about one person taking charge. It’s something you create together. You both contribute to the way the dance looks and feels.
One of you might have a stronger sense of rhythm, while the other may be better at listening to the music and instinctively know exactly when to start a movement.
So why not make the most of those different strengths?
I’d much rather see a first dance as a team effort than expect one person to lead everything, keep the timing, remember every move and carry the whole dance.
One thing I don’t often see with opposite-sex couples (a missed opportunity, perhaps?), but which I absolutely love when creating a first dance for two men or two women, is that we can play much more freely with the roles of leading and following. Assuming, of course, that they even have to be fixed roles in the first place.
Throughout the dance, we can subtly switch who takes the lead and who initiates the next movement. It probably sounds more complicated than it really is.
Those subtle role changes give the dance a playful quality. They also create a sense of equality that I personally find really beautiful.
And, to be honest, it’s simply great fun to do.
Are you two men or two women getting married and looking for a dance teacher who will help you create a first dance that truly reflects who you are? Then I’d love to welcome you to Slowfeet Studio.
Whether you see yourselves as gay, lesbian, queer, part of the LGBTQ+ community, or simply don’t feel the need for labels at all, your story is what matters most to me. I’d love to hear about your music, your ideas and, above all, who you are as a couple.
Feel free to send me an email at info@slowfeetstudio.nl. Together, we’ll create a first dance that feels completely and unmistakably like you.
My name is Deirdre, and I’m the owner of Slowfeet Studio.
For more than ten years, I’ve been helping couples create their first dance, across a wide range of styles and for all levels of experience.
What keeps this work so interesting for me is that every first dance begins with the couple’s choice of music.
“Every time, I’m curious to hear which song a couple has chosen. That’s where the challenge begins for me: creating a dance that not only fits the music, but also reflects who they are as a couple, even if we’ve only just met. The best part is when everything comes together and we’ve genuinely enjoyed the journey of creating it together.”